Category Archives: #Daydreaming

Dialektika tanpa mata

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Disini aku mengadu pada malam, berusaha melepaskan penat yang kian hari mulai merayap.

Sayup bunyi kendaraan di kejauhan, aku tau mereka berkejaran.

“Malam”, sapaku, “Apa yang mereka kejar?” Tanyaku bisu.

“Mereka mengejar semu”, jawab malam.

“Mengapa begitu terburu-buru?”

“Entahlah, aku pun tidak tahu. Sekian lama aku menemani manusia, yang kulihat mereka hanya bisa memburu dan menunggu.” Ia mengedikkan bahu.
Aku mengernyit tak puas.

“Apa maksudmu?”

“Jawaban apa yang sebenarnya kau cari, sahabatku?” Malam balik menanyaiku.

Aku menengadah, berusaha memilih dalam kepalaku, apa yang akan kutanyakan kepada malam. Tapi terlalu banyak, aku ragu ingin mengajukan yang mana satu.

“Tenanglah gadis kecil”, gumamnya seakan tau pikiranku. “Semuanya akan baik-baik saja.”, Ia tersenyum.

“Benarkah malam?”, Aku tak percaya.

Sahabat malam, sang angin, datang dan berhembus perlahan mempermainkan anak rambutku. 

“Ya.”, Ujarnya. “Tenanglah, dan percaya. Itu akan banyak membantumu.”, Angin kini mengusap pelan dahiku.

“Malam, dan angin, maukah kalian menolongku?”

“Katakanlah gadis kecil”

“Aku memang tak pandai berpanjang dialektika, yang aku tahu kini aku rindu.”

“Baiklah, aku mengerti.”, Jawab angin dan malam mengangguk bersamaan.

Kini aku tenang. Malam masih menemaniku.

Sedangkan rindu itu, sudah kutitipkan pada sang bayu..

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Run Forrest, Run! Ups, I mean Run Lynn, Run!

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People says that patience is virtue. For me, that’s a bullshit.

I don’t know, but looking back and looking up to my life, there are a lot of my goals and dreams that I haven’t achieve yet.

And it seems like I’m running out of time. I mean, I am already 24 right now, soon will be 25. What kind of achievement that I have done until now? That is my question that always running through my head.

When I was a teenager, I always tried to imagine my life when I turn 25. That time everything is blur. But nowadays, it becoming more blur to me.

forrest-gump-18A lot of things happened. And I always have to change my direction to the right and to the left because of the condition that I can’t avoid. I have to take a U turn sometimes, just for balancing my life back.

And since last year, I’m trying to putting it back together pieces by pieces. Trying to open my life map and life plan journal. Checking what should I do, what I want to do and what I need to do.

I realize I missed a lot of things when I’m growing up. Comparing to my old friends back to high school and elementary school, I realize that I kinda do nothing. What have I done that I can be proud of?

Finishing my degree and master? Nah, a lot of people can do the same easily. That’s not count as an achievement.

Getting a stable job before I even officially graduated? Nah, you can call them luck and opportunity given by God.

So, the conclusion is, nothing, nothing I can be proud of.

25506a09a760f96d_forrest-gump.xxxlarge_2There is one person that I always envy of, she is one of my close friend and she always inspires me to running for my life.

You know, she always take all opportunities that came to her and very brave to leaving her comfort zone. And there, she achieved a lot of things now. While me, always left behind with all the thought because I’m just afraid leaving my comfort zone. I’m afraid to losing everything that I have now,  which actually that risk is worth to fight for.

Now, what I can do is running, running for my life. Even that is mean I have to left some things and some people behind.

I need to select which condition and which people that can help me to grow. I can’t be stuck in the same place anymore. Stuck with all the same problem everyday, same condition, same things that repeated day by day.

190840102929896805efGYUm1TcIf people says that I need to wait, I can’t. You know, waiting is a tiring thing.

And it is not once that I have to regret just because of waiting.

I think I have to say goodbye for some things. Choosing is always hard, but I have to.

One person ever said to me, “Whatever that you do, right or wrong, people will always make a comment about it. But actually, its your life, you have the full right to navigate it. People will forget, but you cannot change the regret.”

So, that’s it.

I have to screaming inside my head, Run Lynn, Run! If you don’t want to be left out by your own life, RUN!

Sweet Dream or Nightmare?

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It doesn’t feel real..
Yes, I do like you, much and much,, it growing..but that’s the thing..
As you told me, just do it anyway, who cares?
but still,, it doesn’t feel right,
I keep being haunted by those nightmares,
scares.fears.fake.act.
I know I don’t have the right to be jealous,
but as we get attached, I can’t help it..
Insecurity start to make my brain foggy,,
One time, you said one thing,
but the other day, I saw something different,
You know how it feels?
Someone ever told me, once you got insecurity in your mind, it is incurable,
as you keep thinking and thinking, worrying and worrying..
Assuming something, judging and in the end, hurting..
I start to value you more than before,
but, I think I have to value my heart first, since my heart as fragile as yours..

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Dear You – part 1 (In the name of you)

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In the name of you,
I’ll say good morning to the sunshine,
and I’ll say good night to the moonlight,
still have a chance to live under same sky as you,
make me realize how thankful I am.

In the name of you,
I summon the wind to blows,
blows and dances, far far away,
brings all the greetings and pray that I can’t say,
I hope it’ll arrive to you,
even it just a silent whisper.

[PHP848, Sept 2014]

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Confusing Thought Just Flooded My Head

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I just don’t know where to put myself.. Perhaps people think differently but I have my own opinion too..
I’m not trying to save my image or secluded myself after all.. The thing is, I just don’t know how to positioned my own self..
Is it bad if i act like this? I felt some great wall was still there eventhough I know both of us try to make everything better..
Should I act friendly or should I limit myself?
I’m confuse of the sudden change or mood swing that i saw recently.
When i try to be friendly, he’s like limit himself and trying to say ‘Hey this is inappropriate act, just be professional enough, I have my own prestige’. But when I secluded enough, he tried to approach me and it makes the situation suddenly awkward.
Which one is the real you sir?

My Life as Delusional (?) Fans

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난 널 다 좋아 오빠, 근데….

actually i don’t want to tell you the reason, but since you’ve asked me, so i think i don’t need to hide it anymore right? fine, i tell you then!

Reason why i love 김준수

first.. your voice you said?

yes, true.. i really love your voice.. since you are my favorite singer, of course i love your voice, even your voice are recognized globally, even your ex-company still approve that you are the best trainee and artist they had ever.. your photo still put in their website for audition notice and my friend who lives in korea said, you are the national voice of korea..so, how come i don’t fall for your voice?

second, your appearance huh?

hmm.. your body are well build since you really love sport like soccer and table tennis but actually it’s not really as sculpture like oppa ㅋㅋㅋ, but until now i still wonder, how come you can being cute and innocent yet handsome and sexy at the same time? if i can describe it, it’s like when you smile; world is really peaceful place to live and war is out of dictionary..and when you act seriously, no one can beat your charisma.. (*ahaha..i’m being delusional, but that’s true for me tough.. :P) even your twin said that he never bored looking at you and your mom can’t really mad with you.. so, how come i don’t act like that?

third.. your adorable butt? ahahaha..it’s one of them, but i love your personality more than your butt.. 😛

your sense of humor never fail to make me laugh, you are really mood maker for your friends,you know how to comfort people and make them happy, when you mad you doing it wittily, you love your family, friends and fans sincerely, even you don’t really show it but i know you are a deep thinker person.. you doing everything passionately.. i can see it when you sing, dance, acting, playing soccer or just playing game.. your tough perseverance really inspires me.. 7 years of training? i would just give up if i were you, romantic man? of course, white lie, picture of you, rainy night and fallen’ leaves are the proof.. you are an animal lover too.. everyone knows that animal lover are soft-hearted person..

Fourth.. my dream man criteria fits you perfectly..

  1. Don’t have to be handsome, but when i see him i never get bored of him >> i can’t resist your cuteness and i melt second after you smile..ㅋㅋㅋ
  2. Don’t easy to get upset, light-hearted and forgiving >> even you are bullied by changmin or JJ, your smile still hanging in your lips..
  3. Has good sense of humor >> OMG sun! oshiri pen pen borupen, who didn’t laugh at this? 😀
  4. Can playing one instrument whether it is piano or violin >> your piano performance vs taeyang beat everything..
  5. Has a good manner and respect elders >> changmin oppa has talk a lot about this..
  6. Close with his mother >> indeed you are!
  7. Love animal, especially cats >> you have one dog, seven cats and many carps in your home..
  8. Playful, adventurous and kid-like person >> every people know that you are like this..
  9. Has a free laughter >> that eukyangkyang matched this…hehehe..
  10. Good kisser (hahaha..) >> mozart, TOH, elizabeth are the proof for this..wkwkwk..

Fifth our similarity (?) ㅎㅎㅎ

  1. We hate same things > smoking, alcohol, carbonated drink and mathematics
  2. We have same favorite food > eel and chicken, though the recipes are different, but it’s still eel and chicken right? ㅋㅋㅋ
  3. We have same dream > having one of each breed cats in this world, weird but really it’s my dream too..
  4. We have same favorite place > beach and sea, somewhere that has water in there..
  5. We have same favorite drink > young coconut juice
  6. We have same hobby > playing game, read books (manga too) and watching movie
  7. We have same flaw > can’t say “S” with speed properly and can’t drawing nicely.
  8. We have same blood type > B
  9. We have same favorite color > blue and purple
  10. We have same favorite scent > watery-fresh scent and baby-like scent

soooo..oppa, i already told you everything.. now you know right? hehehe..

well, i don’t mean to 고백 in here, but i end up doing it.. hihihi..

what’s that matter is 난, 준수 오빠를 너무너무너무너무너무너무너무너무너무너무 좋아! *love shoot ala gumiho*

okay then, i brb washing my face, i think i’m already crazy to write this.. kekekeke…

Happy Me (행복한 나를)

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sorry for long…long time no update..its have been more than a month right?
actually last month, my life and my feeling is mixing into one… nervous, sad, missing, proud, relieve, anxious, happy etc..etc..
so..the first thing that come to my mind in last month is nervous..
why? because 1th june is the first day of my practicum, but sadly, i’ve been sick from 3 days before D-day..
so , the second day i can’t go to office again because doctor said i’ve been infected in lymph nodes, so i can’t really walk, well..i can walk but in zombie position (you know how zombie walk right? 😛 )
when i got sick, i started missed my family, my friend, my cat and even my old campus.. (okay, now i know that i love UUM, satisfied? ;P)
luckily, i never go through this alone (well, i’m alone at home, but you know what i mean right?)
i have my very best friend who took care of me (Thank you so much Daisy and Tia..) my caring brother, my dad and my mom (although they didn’t even know that i’m sick..)
i’m proud to have you all..maybe i act tough outside, but actually i can hold my pain because of you guys..^^
once again thank you so much for all your caring..
and then, 2 weeks was passing quickly, i started to go to office and work again although i still can’t sit properly yet..
thanks to all my new friend in office who can understand my condition, they teach me slowly and full of consideration..
i really thank God that whenever i go, i would find people that care for me..
and i thank God too that in my new workplace i experienced many new things, but i’ll tell them in another time, because its too many..^^

so for those all who really care for me, my family and my best friend, i would dedicate this song for you guys..

Happy Me by Huh Gak
(actually, it is a song that Jo Kwon sung for Gain in WGM as Adam couple, so..since i’m a fans of them too, i choose this song to express my gratitude..just ignore the real translation, at the heart of the matter i just want to you guys know that if you all stay by my side, i’m happy..^^ )

so…here is the lyrics..

Happy Me by Huh Gak

몇번인가이별을경험하고서널만났지
myeotbeoninga ibyeoreul gyeongheomhagoseo neol mannatji
그래서더시작이두려웠는지몰라
geuraeseo deo sijagi duryeowonneunji molla
하지만누군갈알게되고사랑하게되는건
hajiman nugungal alge doego saranghage doeneun geon
네가마지막이라면얼마나좋을까
nega majimagiramyeon eolmana joheulkka
나처럼.. 바쁜하루중에도잠시네목소릴들으면
nacheoreom.. bappeun haru jungedo jamsi ne moksoril deureumyeon
함께있는것처럼너도느껴지는지
hamkke inneun geotcheoreom neodo neukkyeojineunji
매일밤집으로돌아갈때그곳에네가있다면
maeilbam jibeuro doragal ttae geu gose nega itdamyeon
힘든하루지친네마음이내품에안겨쉴텐데
himdeun haru jichin ne maeumi nae pume angyeoswiltende

지금처럼만날사랑해줘난너만변하지않는다면
jigeumcheoreomman nal saranghaejwo nan neoman byeonhaji annneundamyeon
내모든걸가질사람은너뿐이야난흔들리지않아
nae modeungeol gajil sarameun neoppuniya nan heundeulliji anha
넌가끔은자신이없는미래를미안해하지만
neon gakkeumeun jasini eomneun miraereul mianhae hajiman
잊지말아줘사랑해너와함께라면이젠행복한나를
itji marajwo saranghae neowa hamkkeramyeon ijen haengbokhan nareul

I can always be happy with me
I can always be happy with me

바쁜하루중에도잠시네목소릴들으면
bappeun haru jungedo jamsi ne moksoril deureumyeon
함께있는것처럼너도느껴지는지
hamkke inneun geotcheoreom neodo neukkyeojineunji
매일밤집으로돌아갈때그곳에네가있다면
maeilbam jibeuro doragal ttae geu gose nega itdamyeon
힘든하루지친네마음이내품에안겨쉴텐데
himdeun haru jichin ne maeumi nae pume angyeoswiltende
지금처럼만날사랑해줘난너만변하지않는다면
jigeumcheoreomman nal saranghaejwo nan neoman byeonhaji annneundamyeon
내모든걸가질사람은너뿐이야난흔들리지않아
nae modeungeol gajil sarameun neoppuniya nan heundeulliji anha
넌가끔은자신이없는미래를미안해하지만
neon gakkeumeun jasini eomneun miraereul mianhae hajiman
잊지말아줘사랑해너와함께라면이젠행복한나를
itji marajwo saranghae neowa hamkkeramyeon ijen haengbokhan nareul

난많은기대들로세상이정해놓은사랑을버리고
nan manheun gidaedeullo sesangi jeonghae noheun sarangeul beorigo
네마음처럼난늘같은자리에
ne maeumcheoreom nan neul gateun jarie
또하나의네가되고싶어소중한널위해
tto hanaui nega doego sipeo sojunghan neol wihae
지금처럼만사랑해줘항상
jigeumcheoreomman saranghaejwo hangsang
너만변하지않으면내전불가질사람은너뿐이야
neoman byeonhaji anheumyeon nae jeonbul gajil sarameun neoppuniya
난흔들리지않아자신없는미래넌미안해하고있니
nan heundeulliji anha jasin eomneun mirae neon mianhae hago inni
넌이제혼자가아니야.. 이젠잊지마
neon ije honjaga aniya.. ijen itjima
너와함께라면언제나행복한나를
neowa hamkkeramyeon eonjena haengbokhan nareul

I can do anything and everything
If my life‘s with you

바쁜하루중에도잠시네목소리들으면
bappeun haru jungedo jamsi ne moksori deureumyeon
함께있는것처럼너도느껴지는지
hamkke inneun geotcheoreom neodo neukkyeojineunji
매일밤집으로돌아갈때그곳에내가있다면
maeil bam jibeuro doragal ttae geugose naega itdamyeon
힘든하루지친네마음이내품에안겨쉴텐데
himdeun haru jichin ne maeumi nae pume angyeo swil tende
지금처럼만날사랑해줘난너만변하지않는다면
jigeumcheoreomman nal saranghaejwo nan neoman byeonhaji annneundamyeon

우예
u ye
내모든걸가질사람은너뿐이야난흔들리지않아
nae modeungeol gajil sarameun neo ppuniya nan heundeulliji anha
넌가끔은자신이없는미래를미안해하지만
neon gakkeumeun jasini eomneun miraereul mianhae hajiman
잊지말아줘사랑해너와함께라면이젠행복한나를
itji marajwo saranghae neowa hamkkeramyeon ijen haengbokhan nareul

난많은기대들로세상이정해놓은사랑을버리고
nan manheun gidaedeullo sesangi jeonghae noheun sarangeul beorigo
네마음처럼난늘같은자리에
ne maeumcheoreom nan neul gateun jarie
또하나의네가되고싶어소중한널위해
tto hanaui nega doego sipeo sojunghan neol wihae

지금처럼날사랑해줘항상너만변하지않으면
jigeumcheoreom nal saranghaejwo hangsang neoman byeonhaji anheumyeon
내전불가질사람은너뿐이야난흔들리지않아
nae jeonbul gajil sarameun neoppuniya nan heundeulliji anha
자신없는미래넌미안해하고있니
jasin eomneun mirae neon mianhaehago inni
넌이제혼자가아니야이젠잊지마
neon ije honjaga aniya ijen itjima
너와함께라면언제나행복한나를
neowa hamkkeramyeon eonjena haengbokhan nareul

how’s the song? touching right?
for the last sentence, i will say again..
Thanks so much for those people that always beside me and always supporting me, please don’t change.. as long as you guys with me..i’m happy..너와함께라면언제나행복한나를..*bow*

Big Hug for You..