People says that patience is virtue. For me, that’s a bullshit.
I don’t know, but looking back and looking up to my life, there are a lot of my goals and dreams that I haven’t achieve yet.
And it seems like I’m running out of time. I mean, I am already 24 right now, soon will be 25. What kind of achievement that I have done until now? That is my question that always running through my head.
When I was a teenager, I always tried to imagine my life when I turn 25. That time everything is blur. But nowadays, it becoming more blur to me.
A lot of things happened. And I always have to change my direction to the right and to the left because of the condition that I can’t avoid. I have to take a U turn sometimes, just for balancing my life back.
And since last year, I’m trying to putting it back together pieces by pieces. Trying to open my life map and life plan journal. Checking what should I do, what I want to do and what I need to do.
I realize I missed a lot of things when I’m growing up. Comparing to my old friends back to high school and elementary school, I realize that I kinda do nothing. What have I done that I can be proud of?
Finishing my degree and master? Nah, a lot of people can do the same easily. That’s not count as an achievement.
Getting a stable job before I even officially graduated? Nah, you can call them luck and opportunity given by God.
So, the conclusion is, nothing, nothing I can be proud of.
You know, she always take all opportunities that came to her and very brave to leaving her comfort zone. And there, she achieved a lot of things now. While me, always left behind with all the thought because I’m just afraid leaving my comfort zone. I’m afraid to losing everything that I have now, which actually that risk is worth to fight for.
Now, what I can do is running, running for my life. Even that is mean I have to left some things and some people behind.
I need to select which condition and which people that can help me to grow. I can’t be stuck in the same place anymore. Stuck with all the same problem everyday, same condition, same things that repeated day by day.
And it is not once that I have to regret just because of waiting.
I think I have to say goodbye for some things. Choosing is always hard, but I have to.
One person ever said to me, “Whatever that you do, right or wrong, people will always make a comment about it. But actually, its your life, you have the full right to navigate it. People will forget, but you cannot change the regret.”
So, that’s it.
I have to screaming inside my head, Run Lynn, Run! If you don’t want to be left out by your own life, RUN!